Monkey King and gang play Dota 2
by Missing Middle
Summary: Modern-AU, crossover with Journey to the West. Forced by his stubborn Master, Monkey King finds himself playing support.


I want to thank Chen (Hosimiya Mukuro) for translating this story into Chinese and posting it in Baidu Tieba

 **Summary**

Forced by his stubborn Master, Monkey King finds himself playing support.

 **Setting**

Modern

 **Characters**

All characters are based on **Journey to the West,** the original story where Monkey King hails from.

1) Monkey / Sun Wukong – an arrogant, mischievous and quick-tempered monkey demigod who has a huge arsenal of special abilities

2) Piggy – a lazy pig-demon who loves food and women

3) Friar Sand – a former sand-demon who is loyal and dependable

4) Tang Monk (their master) – a kind-hearted, naggy monk with no fighting skills, but the only one in the world who can control Monkey

5) Bull King – a bull demon king and former enemy who became sworn brothers with Monkey

* * *

 **Monkey King** **and Gang Play Dota 2**

Monkey lounged in front of the TV, watching War for the Planet of the Apes with a tear in his eye. He was crying not because he was moved by the show, but because he was bored to tears. It had been a hundred years since he and his pals had completed their pilgrimage and were rewarded with immortality.

As an immortal with a crapload of free time, Monkey had no idea what to do. Sitting on a lotus and chanting scriptures all day really wasn't his thing. He'd tried freeing his mates from the zoo and setting up a family in the jungles, but they all thought he was too weird for them. Truth was, he was really, really itching to kick some demon - or god - butt, but he'd promised his Master not to create trouble on Earth - the world was chaotic enough as it was. And as long as Monkey still had his Headband of Agony on, he had to toe the line.

His pals were busy leading their own lives. Piggy was running a chain of sleazy hotels and was making good money. Friar Sand was working as a beach lifeguard. And Tang Monk was doing what he did best: being a monk.

So Monkey decided to get into computer games. Specifically, Dota 2, simply because it had a hero and a weapon named after him. Monkey liked his ego stroked like that. But after spending months training with bots and soloing in pub games, Monkey decided that enough was enough. He had to play with his friends as a team.

Using a mix of hard persuasion, brute force and trickery, Monkey managed to persuade Tang Monk, Piggy and Friar Sand to learn how to play Dota 2. Tang Monk was surprisingly supportive, his reason being that games were a good way for Monkey to satisfy his violent urges without actually having to kill people. But they needed a fifth player, so Monkey contacted his sworn brother and former enemy, Bull King, who agreed to join them. They agreed on a date and time, and everyone got in front of their computers, started up the game and turned on their headsets.

Piggy: Guys, what heroes are you all getting? I'm going Pudge.

Friar Sand: Sand King for me.

Tang Monk: Anti-mage is the only hero that I will play.

Piggy: But, er, Master… you have no fighting skills at all. Are you sure you wanna play a hard carry?

Monkey: This is a game, dumbass. It doesn't matter if he can fight or not.

Friar Sand: Yeah, as long as you avoid getting killed, farm up, get your Manta…

Bull King: Just because you want to play AM, doesn't mean you can. Have you considered learning any other heroes?

Monkey: Ninety-nine percent of AM players I come across, can't play for nuts.

Tang Monk: Anti-mage is the only hero I will play, because he is the only enlightened one, the only one who follows the True Path…

Monkey: yadda-yadda-yadda.

Sand Monk: ...but what if AM gets banned?

Monkey: Then I'll disconnect. Sorry guys.

Bull King: I'm going Spirit-breaker.

Friar Sand: Nice.

Monkey: Let's go!

The party of five found a match and entered the hero selection screen. AM wasn't banned, to their relief, and Friar Sand, Piggy and Bull King managed to lock in the heroes they wanted.

Piggy: Oh shit! Monkey King's banned!

Friar Sand: Uh oh.

Monkey: So what? Did I say I wanted to play Monkey King? This hero sucks. He's only got four skills, I have seventy-two transformations and that's only one out of my ten skills.

Tang Monk: We need a support.

Friar Sand: Monkey, go support.

Monkey: I'm not going support. Not if I can't trust our carry.

Piggy: Come on, bro.

Monkey: NO! I'm going Phantom Assassin.

Bull King: Are you kidding me?

Tang Monk: Alright Wukong, you have three seconds before I start chanting. Three, two -

Monkey: Nooooooo! Not the headband thingy! Okay, okay, I'll play support!

Friar Sand: Hurry up and pick, we're losing gold.

Monkey clicked through the heroes one by one. He wasn't used to playing support and didn't know what hero to play. But since there weren't any intelligence heroes in his team, he zoomed in on that particular pool. He picked Crystal Maiden.

Piggy: Ooohh CM, looks like my girlfriend.

Monkey: Dream on, buddy. Guys, I'm taking MID. No further discussion.

The game started, and all five heroes found themselves in the Radiant base. Tang Monk (Anti-mage) proceeded to the safe lane with Friar Sand (Sand King), and Bull King (Spiritbreaker) to the off lane. Piggy (Pudge) lumbered over to mid, where he was chased away by a very annoyed Monkey (Crystal Maiden).

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): Go away, pig.

Piggy (Pudge): But… I always go mid.

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): But I said it first! Get lost!

Tang Monk (Anti-mage): Cut it out, guys. Let Wukong have mid. He knows what to do.

Piggy (Pudge): Damn, this is so unfair.

Piggy reluctantly lumbered off to join Bull King in his lane. Their enemies were a bunch of invisible heroes – Mirana, Riki and Nyx, and there was also Lina and Bloodseeker. It was a tough start for the Radiant, as the Dire took every opportunity to gank their carry. Monkey was the only one doing well, getting First Blood and two more kills after that.

Tang Monk (Anti-mage): Help! Wukong! Help me!

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): What is it?

Tang Monk (Anti-mage): I'm getting ganked! At my tower!

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): Just blink into the bushes or something.

Tang Monk (Anti-mage): But there're three of them!

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): Okay... hang in there, I'm coming.

Monkey teleported over to the bottom tower and managed to kill the enemy Riki, who was doing a tower-dive in an attempt to kill the Anti-mage. His dust of appearance revealed Nyx as well. Noticing Lina lurking around, he stayed close to his tower. A moment later, his ally Friar Sand appeared and stunned Nyx. Monkey quickly finished Nyx off with a freezing field. Piggy did his hook-and-dismember combination on Lina, and Monkey rushed over to deliver last hit with a Crystal Nova.

"TRIPLE KILL! UNSTOPPABLE!" The game's announcer declared.

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): Woohoo, yeah, baby, yeah.

Piggy (Pudge): Why are you taking all the kills? You're support.

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): Did I say I was going support?

Piggy (Pudge): You did!

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): Trust your pig-brain to believe that.

Bull King (Spirit-breaker): We need wards.

Nobody responded to the statement. Monkey did not get a single ward, and so Friar Sand had to do it. He got a gem as well. The enemies revived, and resumed their roaming and ganking. They continued to harass Tang Monk, who had retreated into the jungle to farm.

Tang Monk (Anti-mage): Help! Wukong! Help me!

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): What is it again?

Tang Monk (Anti-mage): I'm getting ganked! In the jungle!

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): Sheesh, use your blink for heaven's sake.

Tang Monk (Anti-mage): But Bloodseeker has Silence!

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): Why do I have to keep saving your ass? You're as useless as you were during the pilgrimage *mumbling*.

Tang Monk (Anti-mage): Did you say something?

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): Heh heh, nah… okay, coming over! Hang in there!

Monkey entered the jungle together with his allies, and wiped out the Dire team. By now he was armed with a Black King Bar and a Blink Dagger, and was virtually unkillable.

"ULTRA KILL! GODLIKE!" the game's announcer shouted. Monkey was on a streak, and his Master wasn't too happy about it.

Tang Monk (Anti-mage): Enough killing, Wukong. Have some compassion for them.

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): Are you kidding me?

Piggy (Pudge): Uh, Master, this is Dota 2. We don't show compassion to our enemies.

Tang Monk (Anti-mage): But Buddha says…

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): Shut up, I'm killing their courier too. And seriously, Master, where're your items? You've been farming all this while and all you have is a battlefury?

Tang Monk (Anti-mage): That's enough, you rude monkey! You better behave now! *Starts chanting*

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): Aaaaaaargh! Stop it! My head hurts! Stop! Okay okay, just stop!

Monkey became a little more submissive after that. There were a few more team clashes, and a trip to Roshan, where Monkey denied the Aegis - because he was already an immortal. Apart from a couple of silly mistakes, such as Bull King charging into a bunch of enemies without backup, and Piggy missing some of his hooks, the Radiant were clearly winning. The score was now 40-15 and the enemies were locked in their base. By now, Monkey had a Black King Bar, a Monkey King Bar, a Scythe of Vyse, a Butterfly, an Eye of Skadi and a Blink Dagger. The Radiant prepared for a final, concerted push into the Dire base. All except Monkey, who was still jungling.

Tang Monk (Anti-mage): What are you doing, Wukong? Stop farming.

Piggy (Pudge): Geez what are you farming for?

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): a Divine Rapier.

Bull King: What the hell?

Tang Monk (Anti-mage): Stop this nonsense, Wukong! I'm going to start chanting if you don't come with us right now.

Piggy (Pudge): *snickers*

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): That's it, I've had enough! SCREW YOU ALL! I'M NOT PLAYING ANYMORE! *Disconnects from the game*

Friar Sand (Sand King): Hmm... it's been a hundred years, but his anger management issues haven't improved.

Piggy (Pudge): Let him go. We can win the game without that stupid ape.

Bull King (Spiritbreaker): Yeah. Let's go.

The four remaining members of the Radiant team surrounded the Dire base. Piggy hooked Lina out and his allies took her out. After that, the enemies fled back to their fountain as the Radiant stormed in and wrecked the base. Monkey reconnected to the game, just in time to do some taunting and fountain-killing. The ancient exploded, and victory was theirs.

Monkey (Crystal Maiden): Easy game! Commend me for carrying!

* * *

 **End**

Hope you enjoyed this! Reviews would be nice :)


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